Sooner or later we all realize that not everything in life happens the way we hope it will. Not every plan is going to succeed, not every situation is going to be favorable, not every person is going to be agreeable. Some, yes; most, if we are lucky; but never, all. Life is too complicated, the world is too complex, and hardly anything here is predictable. The universe is too big and its forces are too powerful to manipulate. No matter how we see ourselves, in the larger picture we are nobodies and obviously we are powerless to change the way the world-machine works.
In spite of our best efforts, when things go wrong—as they sometimes will—we can choose to rave and rant, or to blast and blame, or to grieve and gripe. But there is also one more option. If we haven’t learnt this already, life will teach us that if there is no obvious cure, the best option is to learn to endure, and to do it calmly, even cheerfully. Holy Mother Sri Sarada Devi’s teaching is both practical and profound: “One who forbears, survives. One who doesn’t forbear is destroyed.” The practice of forbearance (titikṣā) is the fourth among the “six treasures” (ṣaṭ-sampatti).
In a talk given in New York on December 18, 1895, Swami Vivekananda spoke of titikṣā as a practice that is “the most difficult of all” (CW, 1. 406). Śrī Śaṅkarācārya defines the practice succinctly in his Vivekacūḍāmaṇi, 24:
सहनं सर्वदु:खानामप्रतीकारपूर्वकम् । चिन्ताविलापरहितं सा तितिक्षा निगद्यते ॥
Sahanaṁ sarva-duḥkhānām apratikāra-pūrvakam,
Cintā-vilāpa-rahitaṁ sā titikṣā nigadyate.
“Bearing all suffering without resistance, anxiety and grumbling is called forbearance.”
Even if we are super careful and vigilant, we still cannot avoid suffering. It will sneak into our lives one way or another. How shall we respond to it? The best way is to do it without resistance, without anxiety, and without grumbling.
That is what Arjuna did not do. When faced with the prospect of fighting his own kith and kin, Arjuna resisted, he became anxious, he bemoaned his situation. He was confused. To calm him down and to bring clarity to his mind, Krishna’s immediate response was to reiterate the obvious. Life is filled with ups and downs, the pleasant and the unpleasant. All experience of pain and pleasure is transitory. Krishna’s advice to Arjuna: “Practice forbearance” (Gītā, 2. 14).
When we begin the practice, we quickly realize how difficult it is. But when we manage to do it well, we become free from distractions and can focus the mind on what really matters.
Without resistance (apratikāra-pūrvakam). It is one thing to not resist because we are incapable of doing so, but quite another to not resist in spite of having the power, the ability, and the opportunity to do so. Non-resistance does not become a virtue if it springs from weakness or lack of opportunity to retaliate. Even fantasizing about retaliation is a kind of inner resistance. It is a form of weakness and not real forbearance.
Swamiji said that forbearance is nothing less than practicing “resist not evil.” This is how he explained it:
“We may not resist an evil, but at the same time we may feel very miserable. Others may say very harsh things to me, and I may not outwardly hate them for it, may not answer them back, and may restrain myself from apparently getting angry, but anger and hatred may be in my mind, and I may feel very badly towards them. That is not non-resistance! I should be without any feeling of hatred or anger, without any thought of resistance. My mind must be as calm as if nothing had happened. And only when I have got to that state, have I attained to non-resistance, and not before.” (CW, 1. 406)
How difficult it is to not react! Reacting to whatever is happening around us seems to be a most natural thing to do. But no reaction is what non-resistance is all about. To react is easy, to not react is tough. Listen to Swami Vivekananda’s words:
“As soon as we react, we become slaves. A man blames me, and I immediately react in the form of anger. A little vibration which he created made me a slave. So we have to demonstrate our freedom.” (CW, 5. 290)
It may so happen that I have to endure even more suffering because I did not react and resist. Even then I should not feel any regret for not resisting. When my mind reaches such a state, then I have attained to real forbearance (CW, 1. 406). Not reacting needs outstanding courage. As Swamiji pointed out:
“It is easy to strike a blow, but tremendously hard to stay the hand, stand still, and say, ‘In Thee, O Lord, I take refuge,’ and then wait for Him to act.” (CW 7. 31)
Understood as a form of non-resistance, is forbearance practical? Probably not for most of us. If everyone decides to practice non-resistance, the social fabric will come tumbling down. The wicked will do terrible things with impunity and there will be no such thing as justice. Fortunately, the world is never short of forces trying to fight for justice in the face of injustice. The world does need people to react and there will always be those who react and resist.
While resistance can be good and at times even necessary, it cannot be denied that it can—and often does—lead to greater suffering, not less. That is why the world also needs at least a few souls strong enough to practice non-resistance in spite of provocation. There are always some in every generation. To practice non-resistance is not easy by any measure, but that is the ideal.
Without anxiety (cintā-rahitam). Suffering is painful in itself, but what adds to the pain is the anxiety regarding it—how long will I have to suffer? How often do I have to suffer like this? Will it get worse? Often also, what have I done to deserve this? Life is unfair! Anxiety makes the suffering worse.
How do I overcome anxiety? A devotee reasons this way: everything happens through God’s will. If I am suffering now, that is what God wants for me. God loves me, so this must be for my good, even if I have no idea what good will be accomplished by my suffering. The devotee’s faith in God and surrender to the divine will overcomes the natural impulse to be anxious, to resist, to retaliate. It also fills the devotee with strength that lightens the burden and makes it easier to endure the suffering with patience. While suffering is no picnic when it’s happening, almost always when we look back at it days or months or years later, we often smile at the experience, even discover that in an odd sort of way it turned things around for us.
Another way to think about suffering is through the lens of the karma theory, which is based on the principles of justice and responsibility. Nothing happens without a reason. Every effect can be traced back to a cause. If I am suffering, I have contributed to it in some way, even if I do not remember how and when I did that. Trying to understand my own suffering through the karma-lens is a better option than trying to find a scapegoat to blame for my woes.
Karma is also empowering, because I know that it is me, and no one else, who can make me happy or make me miserable. Swamiji’s words come to mind:
“Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creator of your own destiny. All the strength and succor you want is within yourselves. Therefore, make your own future.” (CW, 2. 225)
If I change, my experience also changes. Changing myself is a lot easier than making futile attempts to change others. Also, blaming others compounds the suffering. Taking responsibility lessens it.
Without grumbling (vilāpa-rahitam). No one knows why people grumble. It does no good to anyone. Far from improving a situation, grumbling makes it worse. “To the grumbler, all duties are distasteful,” said Swami Vivekananda. “Nothing will ever satisfy such people, and their whole life is doomed to prove a failure” (CW, 1. 71). Strong words, these.
Grumbling is also a colossal waste of energy and it makes the grumbler’s life miserable, increasing the suffering, not lessening it. It’s a mystery why it is so difficult to learn what is absurdly obvious—that the less we grumble, the happier we are. Deciding resolutely to never grumble is an extremely beneficial practice.
To summarize—suffering is inevitable and unavoidable in life. The best way to respond to it is by being calm, even managing to smile (if we are up to it), but certainly doing this without resistance, without anxiety and without grumbling. The practice of forbearance accumulates enormous inner power. All I need to do then is to direct this power toward the pursuit of my spiritual goal.
Forbearance may be the most difficult practice, but if we can pull it off, we’ll taste true happiness.
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